19 THINGS I Would Tell My 25-Year-Old Self
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Oh hey, there 45… I see you!! Nope, I’m not intimidated. Not shy. Not scared. Not slowing down. Just Bigger. Better. Stronger.
As I look back at 45 years, the number 25 popped in my head. When I was 25 years old I was single, on my own, living in Santa Monica, CA, working for one of the top 5 star/5 diamond hotels. I was surrounded by the rich and famous daily. I didn’t have a dollar in the bank or the care in the world. I worked, I lived and had fun.
As I look back at that time of my life what do I wish I would have known? They say hindsight is 20/20. Well, I now have 20 years of hindsight from that carefree 25-year-old.
The question came to mind…
What would I tell my 25-year-old self?
PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST
There’s no such thing as perfection. So it’s not worth your time, energy, or money to strive for and expect it.
I would tell my 25-year-old self to definitely strive for excellence, have high standards, expect the best… but don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out perfectly or you aren’t perfect. That level is impossible to achieve.
In my opinion, there has only been one perfect person that walked this earth over 2,000 years ago. It never was and still isn’t me.
Whew, that takes a load off.
Relax, give yourself some grace, do your best, and keep moving forward.
WORDS ARE LIKE TOOTHPASTE
Easy to get out but impossible to put back in. Good or bad, big or small, we cannot truly take back those words that come out of our mouth. Whether those words are spoken over ourselves… I’m fat, I’m not good enough, I can’t do it… or over others… I don’t like her, did you hear what happened? Why did you do that? That was dumb.
All words matter. Stop. Think. Filter. Choose good. Always.
CELEBRATE YOUR WINS
Big or small. Choose to see the good in what you’ve done. It will give you the motivation and drive to keep taking the next step forward. Walked right past that donut? Yes, girl yes!! 🎉
READ, READ, READ
There are millions of self-help and personal growth books… dive in! Become obsessed with personal growth.
- Think and Grow Rich (Hill)
- The Magic of Thinking Big (Schwartz)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie)
- What to Say When You Talk to Yourself (Helmstetter)
- Hung by the Tongue (Martin)
- Everybody, Always (Goff)
- Uninvited (Terkeurst)
- Dream Big (Goff)
- Slight Edge (Olson)
- On Becoming Babywise (Ezzo)
- Love and Respect (Eggerich)
- The Five Love Languages (Chapman)
- Wired that Way (Littauer)
- Rich Dad, Poor Dad (Kiyosaki)
- Total Money Makeover (Ramsey)
- Battlefield of the Mind (Meyer)
- Left Behind (LaHaye/Jenkins).
And while you are growing from the inside out, don’t forget to allow yourself to get lost in a big, thick, juicy novel! However, I advise to stay away from romance novels. I believe it’s not reality and will cause you to compare your real-world and real relationships to those in the books. Don’t do it.
Tip: Read the self-help books above and make your real-life relationships better than anything in those books!!
GET CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES
Credit cards aren’t free money. Loans aren’t good. Debt isn’t ok. Live below your means. Make wise choices. Keep money in the bank. You do NOT need the newest style of clothes or car or house. You do NOT need to keep up with anyone. Delay gratification.
Take a class or a course. Yes, you CAN afford it!! Educate yourself on how money works. Understand the difference between being an employee and self-employed. Learn about taxes. Pay for things in cash.
Start a business. Be in control of your income.
BE INDEPENDENT
Yes, you can be happily married, a mom of many, AND an independent woman. Pour into your most important relationships with everything you’ve got. Give. Serve. Love.
You can be selfless, serve your family, and not lose who you are in the midst of it all.
Find a man whose goal is NOT to control you but is there to help you spread your wings and fly. Who encourages you to explore, create, and grow. Who cheers for you. Who pushes you out of your comfort zone when you’re scared and holds you when you’ve failed.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE
After two miscarriages I wish I would’ve allowed myself more time and grace to work through it. Not trying to cover up my feelings and to get “back to normal” and not try to figure out what I did “wrong”.
Stop putting on a tough show for everyone around you. Allow yourself to feel. Let go of shame and guilt. Allow God to take you through the process of love and loss. Let Him show you how to heal. Let Him fill up your empty heart.
PEOPLE PLEASING SUCKS… LITERALLY
I would tell my 25-year-old self that trying to please people literally sucks the life out of you. It’s not worth the effort, time, money, and loss of who you are. It’s just not worth it!
I was a notorious people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me. I tried everything to keep people happy… until one day I found myself completely miserable. The lowest of the low.
How can that be? I work so hard to keep everyone around me happy, how could I be so sad?
Because it was never about taking care of me. See, what I learned was that if I really wanted to keep those around me happy then I first had to take care of myself. I had to fill myself up daily with good stuff. Self-care. Mental care. Spiritual care. Emotional care. Whatever you want to call it, I had to do it.
When I fill myself up I then had enough inside of me to pour out into those I love. I could not continue to pour from an empty cup.
KEEP A SMALL CIRCLE
Choose 4 quarters over 100 pennies. Keep high-quality and high character people close. Allow them to speak into your life. Take their advice and suggestions. The number of followers or likes you have on social media DOES NOT define who you are!
Keep people around who allow you to be you. People who make you a better person each time you’re around them. Your circle should be cheering for you, always. And if they’re not, it’s time to get a new circle.
DON’T BE THE SMARTEST OR RICHEST PERSON IN THE ROOM
Stretch yourself. It’s the only way you’ll grow. Be uncomfortable. Be intimidated. Put yourself in a protege role. But just remember, they too put their pants on one leg at a time. No one is ever too big or too great. If they treat you that way… exit the room and relationship immediately. Go where you’re celebrated not tolerated.
You are not less worthy than anyone else. And the same goes for you. Don’t ever treat anyone like they are less than you. From the CEO to the janitor they are all equal in the eyes of God. Treat them accordingly.
JUST SAY NO
Control your calendar. You don’t have to attend everything you’re invited to. Know what is important and what is a waste. Have goals. Know what you want to accomplish this day, week, month, year, and lifetime.
Filter everything through “will this invitation move me forward or backward?”
CREATE HEALTHY HABITS
Learn how your body works. That it’s like a machine and if fueled properly it will perform optimally. Working out is NOT the key to weight loss or a healthy body. Healthy eating and living along with some exercise is the secret formula.
Practice self-care.
Take care of your skin. Use high-quality skincare and vitamins. Yes, you can afford it! Focus on being proactive with your skin and health so you won’t have to be reactive when it’s too late. Start anti-aging practices now… you’ll thank me for it later.
But hey, don’t be so strict that you’re totally miserable. Everything in moderation. 6 days on top of your health game and 1 day off… it’s all good! Sundays are a great day for pizza or an ice cream cone and lounging on the couch. It’s OK! Just as long as it’s not every day.
DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
It’s all small stuff. Seriously, chill out. There are no emergencies. Take it all one step at a time.
Stop the drama. Stop pulling your friends into it. No one is supposed to live that way. And for the love, don’t allow anyone else’s drama to rule your life!
Get out of toxic, dramatic friendships and relationships. Run as far away as fast as you can! No “friend” or “boy” is worth your peace. Protect your peace with everything you’ve got.
DON’T ALLOW ANYONE TO TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE
Don’t allow labels to live on you. Remove and rebuke anything and everything that is spoken over you or done to you that doesn’t fit with who God says you are…and what He says you can have.
He made you, He says who you are… no one else has the control or power to do that.
MAKE MISTAKES
You either win or you learn. The only way you lose is if you quit. Approach all loss as a learning opportunity. So it didn’t go the way you thought it would. Great! What will you do differently next time?
Don’t be a victim. No one is in charge of your happiness outside of you. Pull up your big girl panties, learn from it, and move on.
JESUS & JOURNAL
Create an early morning routine where you will spend time alone with Jesus and journaling about life. This time is so precious. Find a ministry with good bible studies that will help you dig into His Word. This will bring you the most peace, happiness, and joy you will ever experience.
Turn towards Jesus in the hardest of times. Don’t turn away from Him. Even when you’re wondering where He is. “Are you there God?”
He is always right there… in the middle of your biggest victory, most tragic loss, and your messiest mess. Talk to Him. Hang onto Him. Trust Him. He’s got this.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
I would tell my 25-year-old self that… Yes, even after gaining 50+ lbs with each of your 4 babies. Yes even after working out 7 days a week and not seeing the scale move. Yes after hearing all the stories of how the weight just “fell off”.
You are beautiful!
Yes, as you look at that acne on your face, those scars on your body, those wrinkles around your eyes. Yes.
You are beautiful!
Yes, after those dark quiet moments of hopeless tears as you look at yourself hating what you see.
Yes, you are beautiful!
Please listen to me… you are only seeing what the world teaches you to see. The outside. You see what you are lacking or what you don’t have or what you aren’t.
You are looking around and seeing the perfectly fake airbrushed model on the cover of that magazine or the heavily filtered girl on social media. THIS ISN’T REAL!
You aren’t seeing what GOD sees. Look at yourself in the mirror until you see what He sees. Don’t look at what you don’t like. Look at what you do like. Pick those things out.
You are His creation. He knew you and loved you before you were in your mama’s belly. He made you. You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are HIS.
STOP! SMELL THOSE ROSES
Yes, building your career and your business is important to focus on while you are young. You’ve got the energy and sharpness to go all in. Building a solid foundation to last your lifetime and the next is so important but not more important than what’s going on around you right now.
One thing I would most certainly tell my 25-year old self is to…
Look around. Find beauty. It is literally all around you.
When was the last time you:
- Stared up in the sky and looked at the clouds to determine what animal it looks like?
- Saw the Big and Little Dipper late at night?
- Left your phone behind and listened to the birds talk to each other or the crickets or bullfrogs calling each other?
- Went hiking?
- Ran around and caught lightning bugs?
- Sat near a lake and read a book?
- Planted a garden and ate something you grew?
- Cleared your calendar and had NOTHING scheduled for an entire day and night?
- Picked flowers out of your yard or from the side of the road?
- Put your toes in the sand?
- Did or ate something new?
- Went on an adventure?
- Saw the sunrise?
JUST. BREATHE.
If you feel the walls caving in and the weight of the world all around you then step away and just breathe. Whether that means literally taking deep breaths, or maybe a long, warm bath, or a dinner out with friends or your significant other, or a spa day, or simply getting your nails done, or maybe it’s a trip somewhere alone. Whatever it is you need to clear your mind, breathe, and refocus… do it!
There are more, I’m sure, but these are the top things that I would absolutely 100% tell my 25-year-old self.
